It Takes a Village: Building Community in the Age of Disconnection
It Takes a Village: Building Community in the Age of Disconnection
Parenting in 2025 is hard. They say it takes a village to raise a child, but so often as parents, we find ourselves feeling alone in the journey. Many of us live far away from our childhood families. Friendships can shift when we transition into motherhood, and people don’t always show up for us in the ways we expected they would.
All of this to say: creating a village isn’t easy, but it is possible. It just may look different than what you once imagined, and that’s okay.
The truth is, the best way to build a village is to be a village. If people aren’t showing up for you, it’s worth asking yourself if there are times you may not have shown up for them. When someone doesn’t show up for us, we often feel hurt, and at times even question the friendship. But when we’re the ones who don’t show up, we know why. We’re busy, tired, overwhelmed, or dealing with other obligations. The reasons are usually valid. Still, at the end of the day, community is built through reciprocal connections.
If you want a village, you have to be a village, and not just for your friends with kids. Yes, once you have children it can be a challenge to still show up for people, but too often we use this as an excuse.
Here are some practical ways to build community, even when you’re knee-deep in the chaos of raising little ones:
Offer help during times of stress. Ask your mom friend how you can help as she’s planning her child’s birthday party. Show up a little early with your kid and entertain the children while she sets up, or clean and cut up fruit the night before and bring it along.
Include your friends in your everyday life. One of my friends spends entire days with me and my children — even when the activities include things I’m not excited about, like other children’s birthday parties, the zoo, or errands. I convinced another friend to start running again so we could hang out, and now we run together at least once a week. Another friend shares my love of creative projects, so when I’m working on an order for my business, she brings her own projects to work alongside me. Every hangout doesn’t have to be dinner or drinks.
Cheer your friends (and their kids) on. Whether it’s a sporting event, a graduation, or something else to celebrate, show up. Bring your kids with you so they can see what being a good friend looks like.
Adopt a grandma. There are plenty of elders wishing for grandchildren. Invite them into your family’s life in small ways. One of my friend’s moms used to watch my kids for hours when they were younger, and it filled both her cup and mine.
Share a meal. Pick a night when you’re already cooking (or ordering takeout) and invite a friend over. It’s okay if it’s messy and chaotic. They’ll just be grateful they didn’t have to cook.
Say yes. When a friend invites you somewhere, try to go. Even if you’re tired, don’t know what to wear, or your post-COVID social anxiety is flaring up — just show up. Of course there will be times when you can’t, but if you make it a habit of showing up, people will understand the exceptions.
Move beyond the group message. Group chats are fun for sharing gossip, laughs, and life updates, but texting and true connection are not the same. Find ways to see your people in real life.
Generally speaking, if you start showing up for other people, they will show up for you too. And if they don’t, don’t be afraid to reconfigure your circle and invest in relationships with people who are ready to grow alongside you.
We weren’t meant to do this alone. Villages don’t appear overnight, but with intention and love, they can be built.
Community requires work, but it is worth it.
