Reflections on Wellness and Motherhood
Reflections on Wellness and Motherhood
When I became a mom, I was inundated with information about how to care for my kids. What people didn’t tell me was how to take care of myself in this new chapter of my life. In a culture where extreme opinions are the loudest, the information that did reach me seemed toxic on both ends of the spectrum. On one side, an extreme focus on physically “bouncing back” didn’t resonate with me. My body was different after carrying my children, and the changes weren’t a sign of weakness or a mark of dishonor, rather a symbol of the magic my body had performed, cultivating a life and guiding its journey earthside. I didn’t feel the need to hit the gym and immediately return to my pre-pregnancy body. Narratives from the other end of the spectrum also didn’t resonate with me. The push to make motherhood your whole personality, and abstain from activities that centered personal goals (career, hobbies, fitness, social life, etc.) did not feel aspirational to me. In fact, the more I poured into my family and neglected myself, the more I found myself being frustrated, overwhelmed, and even resentful of my family. I knew that approach would not work for me.
Being a mom is the most important thing I will ever do, but it isn’t the only thing I will ever do.
Since gaining the title of “Mommy” six years ago, I have slowly learned that in order to show up for my kids, I have to show up for myself first. They say that you can’t pour from an empty cup, and for me this means pouring into myself until it overflows to everyone around me. And let me be clear about what I mean when I say caring for myself – because the term self-care is ambiguous and marketing campaigns have convinced us it means a glass of wine, a facial, a cupcake, red-light therapy, or loading up our cart at Marshall’s. When I say self-care, I generally mean activities that calm my nervous system, make me feel seen and supported, and create the future I want for myself. This includes daily physical exercise, being outside enjoying nature, taking the time to prepare meals that nourish my body, reading and listening to inspiring content, revisiting hobbies and projects that I enjoyed before I had children, and taking time to make plans for my future and executing them.
If you’re feeling lost when it comes to finding joy post motherhood, here are some things to try in order to find that sparkle again:
Think back to a hobby you loved as a kid or a young adult (ballet, painting, kickball, video games, writing) and give it another try. New Orleans has groups for almost everything.Commit to 30 minutes of movement daily. If your schedule allows, try to do it in the morning, and if you have a supportive partner, ask them to support you so that you can do it kid free. Go for a walk, put on a pilates video on YouTube and follow along, or whatever else feels good. If you don’t get to move by yourself, take a walk with your kids. Call your best friend and tell her how you’re feeling. Ask her for advice. She loves you deeply and probably has some great ideas about how to help you get your sparkle back.Consider how you can build a supportive village. More on that here. Choose a two-hour window every day where you do a digital detox. I usually do this between 7:00-9:00, when I’m putting my kids to bed and then doing chores around the house. You’ll be surprised how much this time away will improve your mood and give you space to think and be present.Fill your fridge with healthy snacks that you enjoy. Plan to cook a favorite meal 2 times a week. Extra points if you check out a farmer’s market and cook a meal using seasonal produce. Take 30 minutes each week to spend time with yourself.
During this time, ask yourself what moments during the last week felt the best to you? When did you feel the most at ease? What activities contributed to your well-being, and what increased tension/stress? How can you cultivate more ease in your life? Imagine if everything in your life works out exactly as you hope it will. What will your life look life in 5 years? In 10? What can you do now to start creating that life? Make some plans. Write them down.Set a boundary. You know, the one that you think about all the time, but you’re scared or anxious about. Maybe you have a draining or toxic relationship that needs to end. Maybe you need to set a limit with your job about contacting you after hours. Maybe a friend is leaning on you in ways that aren’t sustainable for you. Maybe you handle daily drop off and pick up for your kids, and you need your partner to take on one or the other. You know what it is. Advocate for yourself and say what you need.
Finally, as you begin this journey back to yourself, be patient.
During this phase of healing and self-discovery, you may find that some of the things you loved to do in the past no longer feel fulfilling, and that’s okay! It is a process of trial and error, but if you stick with it, you will develop routines and practices that support your wellness, and ultimately, become a more whole and healed version of yourself.
